Building your family

Unexplained infertility. Failed cycles. Constant “what ifs” about plastics, products, and the environments we live in.
We’re surrounded by headlines about “toxins” and especially worried about how they might affect fertility, but almost no one teaches us how to think clearly about any of it. In this episode, Lisa Schuman, LCSW, talks with Dr. John Warner, a founder of Green Chemistry, about how everyday materials may influence fertility and health, and how to think about risk without spiraling into fear. Dr. Warner shares the personal tragedy that pushed him to re‑invent how chemistry is taught and practiced, and together they explore what realistic, informed choices look like for people in fertility treatment, donor conception, and surrogacy.
You’ll hear about:
How environmental exposures intersect with fertility and overall healthThe “devastating realization” that changed Dr. Warner’s careerWhat Green Chemistry is and why it matters for future parentsWhy testing chemicals is so complex (and why “no data” ≠ “safe”)How to ask better questions instead of panicking about “toxins”The four pillars of chemistry education and “intellectual ecology”How consumer choices quietly shape what companies create nextWhy fear itself can become toxic and block clear decision‑makingIf you’re going through IVF, using donor conception, working with a surrogate, or pregnant after infertility, this conversation offers a calmer, clearer way to think about your environment, without chasing perfection or drowning in guilt.
Guest resourcesWebsite: https://johnwarner.org/
Chapters00:00 The Impact of Environment on Fertility03:42 John Warner's Journey to Green Chemistry08:33 The Birth of Green Chemistry15:43 Practical Steps for a Healthier Life19:31 The Challenge of Testing and Regulation25:58 Finding Reliable Information on Toxicity27:51 The Four Pillars of Chemistry Education29:00 Intellectual Ecology in Chemistry30:08 Navigating Public Skepticism32:55 Finding Balance in Information34:54 Making Informed Choices36:27 Embracing Chemistry in Daily Life39:22 Consumer Responsibility and Market Influence42:20 Understanding Marketing and Product Labels45:45 Overcoming Chemophobia and Embracing Chemistry49:39 The Role of Fear in Consumer Choices
#fertility #IVF #donorconception #greenchemistry #environmentaltoxins #infertility #womenshealth #familybuilding #eggdonation #surrogacy

If you’re building your family through donor conception and one of you is not genetically related to your child, this episode is for you.
Lisa Schuman, LCSW, unpacks the real emotional challenges non-genetically related parents face: jealousy, insecurity, fear of being “less than,” and the quiet worry about connection and bonding. She walks you through five key suggestions for navigating these feelings together, so you can protect your relationship and your future family.
You’ll learn:
    Why the non-genetic parent often gets overlooked, and how to change that    How to talk openly about jealousy, insecurity, and grief     The critical difference between privacy and secrecy in donor conception    How to stay flexible as roles and feelings shift over time    What the genetically linked parent needs emotionally, and how to support each other as a team
This conversation is about intention, compassion, and clear communication so both parents feel seen, secure, and fully “real” in their role. If you want a strong relationship and a healthy environment for your donor-conceived child, start here.
Get free resources on donor conception here: https://familybuilding.net/free-downloads/
00:00 Introduction to Donor Conception and Parenting Dynamics01:44 Challenges for Non-Genetically Related Parents02:59 Navigating Emotional Complexities06:05 Five Key Suggestions for Couples08:18 The Importance of Open Communication10:16 Privacy vs. Secrecy in Family Building12:04 Creating a Supportive Environment14:36 Flexibility in Parenting Roles15:06 Recognizing the Genetically Linked Parent's Role17:16 Normalizing Feelings in Parenting18:46 The Importance of Intention and Communication

Most people only meet a fertility specialist in crisis mode.In this episode, Dr. Shefali Shastri, Clinical Director and Physician Partner at RMA New Jersey, explains what proactive fertility actually looks like.
Dr. Shastri is a board‑certified reproductive endocrinologist who has helped bring thousands of babies into the world since joining RMA New Jersey in 2009. Inspired by her OB/GYN mother, she now combines cutting‑edge science with deeply personal, patient‑centered care.
We cover:• Who should consider a fertility workup before trying• How to understand your “fertility age” vs your birthday age• What a proactive fertility checkup actually includes (hormones, AMH, ultrasound, semen analysis, basic genetic screening, etc.)• Red flags where you should not “wait a year”• Egg freezing, preimplantation genetic testing, and underlying genetic causes of infertility• Exercise, weight, stress and movement for fertility• Specific guidance for single parents by choice, queer couples, and people planning for donor conception or surrogacy• How to turn fear of “bad news” into informed, empowered decisions
If you’re not trying yet but want options later, or you’re already in treatment and feeling stuck, this conversation will give you a clear, compassionate roadmap.
Connect:• Learn more about Dr. Shastri and RMA New Jersey: https://rmanetwork.com/staff/shefali-mavani-shastri/• Follor Dr. Shastri on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shefalishastrimd/• Get my proactive fertility & family‑building resources:https://familybuilding.net/free-downloads/
 

National Infertility Awareness Week is about more than awareness posts. It is about whose stories get heard, who gets left out, and how we turn lived experience into better policy for everyone building their family.
In this episode, I’m joined by Danielle, the new CEO of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. We talk about what RESOLVE is really doing behind the scenes, how they’re supporting single parents by choice and queer families, and why telling your story is one of the most powerful forms of advocacy you have.
We also get practical: how to advocate for yourself at work, how to approach HR about fertility benefits, and how to find common ground in a divided moment so we can actually move legislation forward.
We cover:
What RESOLVE does for patients beyond social media during NIAWHow current policies help some groups and still miss singles and LGBTQ+ familiesConcrete RESOLVE resources for talking to HR about fertility coverageAdvocating for yourself at work without risking everythingUsing your story to build empathy, shift culture, and influence lawmakersFinding common ground across differences as a path to better legislationIf you’re a single parent by choice, part of a queer couple, or anyone navigating reproductive medicine who has ever felt invisible, this conversation is for you.
Episode resources
Resolve: https://resolve.org/National Infertility Awareness week: https://www.infertilityawareness.org/

Deciding what to do with unused embryos after IVF can feel overwhelming, lonely, and loaded with grief.
In this episode, we talk honestly about the emotional weight of unused embryos and why so many people get stuck here for years. I walk through the most common options clinics offer, explain what each one actually means, and introduce additional paths like compassionate transfer and using ritual when none of the standard choices feel right for you.
Then I share a simple 3‑step system to help you move forward when you feel completely stuck, so you can make decisions that align with your values and find some peace with whatever you choose.
In this episode you’ll learn:
Why unused embryos bring up such big and conflicting feelingsWhat your clinic’s standard options really involve (storage, donation, research, disposal, and more)What a compassionate transfer is and when it may be offeredHow ritual and meaning‑making can help with grief around unused embryosA practical 3‑step process to move from paralysis to the next right decision for youIf you’re facing decisions about unused embryos and feel torn, this conversation is for you. You are not alone, and there is a way through.
For more support around IVF, donor conception, and surrogacy, check the links in the show notes.

Journalist and TV anchor Jenna Wolfe joins therapist Lisa Schuman to share how she built a two‑mom family through fertility treatment and donor conception, came out on the Today Show, navigated a double mastectomy after a BRCA diagnosis, divorced, and is now co‑parenting two daughters. This episode is for anyone using reproductive medicine, or donor conception and worries, “Will my family really be OK?”
We walk step‑by‑step through Jenna’s story:• Coming out publicly while pregnant and what she was most afraid of• Meeting her wife, deciding to have kids, and whose genetics to use• Fertility treatment in the public eye and choosing a sperm donor• Facing a double mastectomy as a new mom and talking to her kids about it• Divorce, building a healthy co‑parenting relationship, and focusing forward on the children• Small, doable changes that helped her get through fertility, surgery, and starting over
If you’re building your family with fertility treatment, or donor conception, and want more structured support, you can learn about the Building Your Family education and support platform here:https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/
This episode is sponsored by Seattle Sperm Bank, a donor sperm bank focused on rigorous screening, a wide donor selection, and thoughtful support for LGBTQ+ and solo parents. Learn more here:https://www.seattlespermbank.com/building-your-family/
 

When you’re going through fertility treatment, donor conception, or surrogacy, it’s completely normal to hit a point where you think, “Ugh… screw it.”
In this solo episode, Lisa Schuman names and explains the “Screw It Principle”: the quiet ways stress, exhaustion, jealousy, and resentment slip into big decisions about clinics, donors, and agencies. She breaks down the two versions of “screw it” moments, why they feel so good in the moment, and how they can slowly pull you away from your deepest values for yourself and your future child.
You’ll learn:
The two types of “screw it” decisions and how they show up in fertility, donor conception, and surrogacyHow decision fatigue, jealousy, and burnout push you toward what feels comforting instead of what matches your long-term valuesA simple two-question checkpoint to catch “screw it” moments in real timeHow to gently redirect that “I’m done” energy into safer places, without judging yourselfLisa also shares a free Stress Tools Guide to help you calm your nervous system when you feel burned out, angry, or jealous, so you can return to big choices with more clarity and self-compassion. She also points you to SART, a resource for looking up official U.S. IVF clinic data so you can better align clinic choices with your values, not just your stress level.
You are not weak for having “screw it” moments. You’re human. This episode helps you notice them before they quietly steer the parts of your family-building journey that matter most.
Episode resources
Grab your free ebook here: https://familybuilding.net/free-downloads/Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART) - https://www.sart.org/ Fertility and Sterility: https://www.fertstert.org/

Most patients never see what actually happens to their eggs and embryos once they disappear “into the lab.” In this episode, we go behind the scenes with Dr. Eduardo Hariton to unpack what safety really looks like in modern IVF: barcodes, double-checks, lab standards, and how AI is starting to support better decisions.
Dr. Hariton earned his MD from Harvard Medical School and MBA from Harvard Business School, has published over 70 papers and presentations, and leads innovation across a large fertility network. He brings a rare perspective that combines hands-on patient care with systems-level insight into how labs actually run day to day.
We cover:
How eggs and embryos are labeled, tracked, and verified at every stepWhy lab conditions and protocols can quietly impact success ratesHow clinics use redundancies, checklists, and technology to prevent errorsWhere AI is already being used in IVF (and what is still early hype)What “good” answers sound like when you ask your clinic about safetyHow donor eggs, sperm, and embryos are handled and safeguardedPractical questions you can take to your own clinic without feeling adversarialIf you’re using IVF, donor gametes, or surrogacy to build your family, this conversation is designed to give you clarity and better questions, not fear.
Guest resourcesDr. Hariton on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/haritonmd/Dr. Hariton’s website: https://rscbayarea.com/doctors/hariton/AutoIVF Technology: https://autoivf.com
My resourcesBuilding Your Family Podcast: https://familybuilding.net/podcast/
If you want help turning this episode into specific questions and checklists for your own journey, you’ll find guides and tools in our community.

Trans people don’t want “special” families. They want what every parent wants: to tuck their kids in at night and know they’re safe.
In this episode of Building Your Family, Lisa Schuman, LCSW, sits down with educator and advocate Trystan Reese to talk about trans family building: what’s the same, what’s different, and what trans parents need from clinics, communities, and allies right now.
They cover:• Trystan’s journey as a pregnant trans man and becoming a parent• Why trans people’s desire to parent is the same as anyone’s• How fertility, pregnancy, and adoption can be more complex for trans individuals• The role of supportive communities and affirming medical care• How providers can build real trust with humility and curiosity• Legal protections like second‑parent adoption and why they matter• What non‑trans patients using donor conception or surrogacy can learn from trans families about “difference and belonging”
Whether you’re trans, cis, a fertility patient, or a clinician, this conversation will help you better understand and support trans families in a world where family building is increasingly politicized.
Resources & Links– Learn more about Trystan Reese: https://www.trystanreese.com/– Building Your Family community, workshops, and newsletter: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/– Learn more about Collaborate Consulting: https://collaborate.consulting/– Learn more about Transfertility: https://transfertility.co/
Building Your Family is hosted by Lisa Schuman, LCSW, a leading expert in fertility, donor conception, and surrogacy, helping parents and professionals support children growing up in “different” families.
#TransFamilyBuilding #TransParents #TransPregnancy #LGBTQFamily #QueerParenting #FertilityJourney#DonorConception #Surrogacy #InclusiveCare #AffirmingCare #LGBTQHealth #BuildingYourFamilyPodcast#TrystanReese #InfertilitySupport #FamilyBuilding

How do you make smart, grounded choices about egg freezing today that support whatever comes next – IVF, donor conception, or deciding not to pursue treatment at all? In this episode, reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Jaime Knopman joins Lisa to unpack the real numbers, timing, and trade‑offs so you can feel more empowered and less sold to.
We talk honestly about when egg freezing makes sense, what “ideal before 35” actually means in real life, and why success rates are never higher than about 75% – no matter what the brochure says. Dr. Knopman explains how to think about lab quality, age, and medical factors, while Lisa brings in the emotional side of planning for the possibility of future IVF or donor conception.
In this conversation, we cover:
How to think about fertility planning in your 20s and 30sWhen to consider egg freezing or embryos – and when it may not be worth itThe truth behind egg freezing success rates and “control is an illusion”Common myths about egg quality and what actually mattersHow today’s decisions can shape later choices, including donor conceptionWhy your lab and team are so importantChapters:
00:00 Empowering Fertility Planning06:02 Navigating the Decision to Freeze Eggs or Embryos11:56 Addressing Concerns About Egg Quality17:57 Debunking Myths Around Egg Quality23:44 Grieving and Acceptance in Fertility29:39 The Importance of the Lab in Fertility Treatments
If you’re in fertility treatment, thinking about egg freezing, or considering donor conception and want more emotional support and education, you can find my workshops and membership at https://familybuilding.net/
Learn more about Dr. Jaime Knopman: https://drjaimeknopman.com/Follow Dr. Jaime Knopman on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjaimeknopman/
#fertilityjourney #eggfreezing#fertilityplanning #fertilityawareness#reproductivehealth #ivfjourney#donorconception #infertilitysupport#womenshealth #fertilityclinic