Building your family

Re-released for Pride 2026 — Because this conversation never gets old
What does it actually feel like to need a donor to build your family? How do you choose the right one? What does the medical process look like — and what does the emotional process look like? In this rare co-author conversation, I put these questions to Dr. Mark Leondires, Founder and Medical Director of Illume Fertility and Gay Parents To Be — and he turns them right back on me.
Together, Dr. Leondires and I wrote Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception. In this episode, we give you the condensed, honest version — the medical clarity, the practical steps, and the emotional truth — all in one place.
You’ll walk away knowing:• The key medical steps in egg, sperm, and embryo donation• How to think about choosing a donor — and what really matters• The emotional landscape most people don’t expect• What to tell your children — and when• Why donor conception is more mainstream than ever, and what that means for your family
Whether you’re just starting to explore the idea or are already in the process, this episode givesyou clear, actionable guidance from two of the leading voices in the field. No fluff. Nooverwhelm. Just answers.
#DonorConceptionConversations #Pride2026 #DonorConception #LGBTQFamily#EggDonation #SpermDonation #IVF #FertilityDoctor #BuildingYourFamily#DrMarkLeondires #IllumeFertility #GayParentsToBe #FamilyBuilding #QueerFamily#FertilityPodcast #ListenNow
Co-authors Lisa Schuman &; Dr. Mark Leondires answer your biggest donor conceptionquestions — medical, emotional &; practical. 50+ years of expertise in one episode.
ABOUT THE GUESTSDr. Mark Leondires, MD — Founder and Medical Director, Illume Fertility; Founder, Gay ParentsTo Be; co-author, Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception. Father through donor conception and surrogacy.Lisa Schuman, LCSW — Founding Director, The Center for Family Building; host, Donor Conception Conversations podcast; co-author, Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception; award-winning researcher, ASRM.

She was only 25 and already knew something was wrong.If you have one child and are secretly struggling to have another, this episode is for you.Margarita’s story of secondary infertility and PCOS shows what happens when “just keep trying” isn’t good enough.
In this episode of Building Your Family, Lisa Schuman sits down with Margarita Lainez to talk about the often overlooked reality of secondary infertility and PCOS. After having her first child with ease, Margarita assumed a second would come naturally. Instead, she faced month after month of negative tests, dismissive “just keep trying” advice, and the heavy guilt of not giving her son a sibling.
Margarita shares what it was like to live this while working inside the fertility world, how she finally pushed for a real workup and received a PCOS diagnosis, and the grief, shame, and loneliness that came with that season. Together, Lisa and Margarita explore self‑advocacy, setting boundaries, protecting your mental health, and finding the right support when friends, family, or even doctors don’t fully understand.
If you’re in the middle of your own fertility journey, especially secondary infertility, this conversation will help you feel less alone and more equipped to ask for what you need.
Inside this episode:
What secondary infertility can feel like day‑to‑dayBeing told “just keep trying” when you know something is wrongGetting to a PCOS diagnosis and what self‑advocacy really looked likeShame, blame, and the pressure to “give a sibling”Setting boundaries, finding community, and caring for your mental healthWhat grounded, realistic hope can look like after griefIf you’re in secondary infertility or on a donor conception path and want help with the emotional and decision‑making side, that’s exactly what we do inside Building Your Family.👉 Learn more and get support here: https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/
Guest resourcesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/margarita-lainez-950a2860/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/margaritalainez100/
#secondaryinfertility #PCOS #fertilityjourney #infertilitysupport #buildingyourfamily #donorconception #ttccommunity

If you’ve been told “this is just your protocol,” “we’ll just try again,” or “everything looks fine” while IVF keeps failing, this episode is for you. Standard IVF works for many people, but not for everyone. So what happens when you don’t fit the usual box?
In this conversation, I’m joined by Dr. Pietro Bortoletto, reproductive endocrinologist at Terra Fertility. He trained at Northwestern, Brigham & Women’s / Mass General, and Weill Cornell, and now focuses on the hard cases: diminished ovarian reserve, recurrent implantation failure, recurrent pregnancy loss, endometriosis, fibroids, and Müllerian anomalies.
We talk about:
Why he stepped out of the traditional IVF systemHow real experts think “outside the box” without going fringeWhen surgery actually helps (and when it’s just more trauma)The role of endometriosis, inflammation, and the immune system in fertilityWhat thoughtful immunologic workups look like (and when they’re not useful)When to seek a second opinion and how to do it respectfullyMindset tools for staying sane when the road is long and uncertainThis is not personal medical advice. It is a window into how a well‑trained REI thinks when standard IVF isn’t working, so you can have better, deeper conversations with your own team.
🔗 If you’re in treatment, using donors, or considering surrogacy and want more support with the emotional and decision‑making side of this journey, that’s exactly what we do inside The Building Your Family Community. You’ll find the link in the description.
Guest resources:Website: https://www.terrafertility.com/
#IVF #Fertility #Infertility #FertilityTreatment #DiminishedOvarianReserve#RecurrentImplantationFailure #RecurrentPregnancyLoss #Endometriosis#FertilityDoctor #FertilitySupport #FertilityJourney #IVFSupport#TryingToConceive #FertilityClinic #FamilyBuilding

Unexplained infertility. Failed cycles. Constant “what ifs” about plastics, products, and the environments we live in.
We’re surrounded by headlines about “toxins” and especially worried about how they might affect fertility, but almost no one teaches us how to think clearly about any of it. In this episode, Lisa Schuman, LCSW, talks with Dr. John Warner, a founder of Green Chemistry, about how everyday materials may influence fertility and health, and how to think about risk without spiraling into fear. Dr. Warner shares the personal tragedy that pushed him to re‑invent how chemistry is taught and practiced, and together they explore what realistic, informed choices look like for people in fertility treatment, donor conception, and surrogacy.
You’ll hear about:
How environmental exposures intersect with fertility and overall healthThe “devastating realization” that changed Dr. Warner’s careerWhat Green Chemistry is and why it matters for future parentsWhy testing chemicals is so complex (and why “no data” ≠ “safe”)How to ask better questions instead of panicking about “toxins”The four pillars of chemistry education and “intellectual ecology”How consumer choices quietly shape what companies create nextWhy fear itself can become toxic and block clear decision‑makingIf you’re going through IVF, using donor conception, working with a surrogate, or pregnant after infertility, this conversation offers a calmer, clearer way to think about your environment, without chasing perfection or drowning in guilt.
Guest resourcesWebsite: https://johnwarner.org/
Chapters00:00 The Impact of Environment on Fertility03:42 John Warner's Journey to Green Chemistry08:33 The Birth of Green Chemistry15:43 Practical Steps for a Healthier Life19:31 The Challenge of Testing and Regulation25:58 Finding Reliable Information on Toxicity27:51 The Four Pillars of Chemistry Education29:00 Intellectual Ecology in Chemistry30:08 Navigating Public Skepticism32:55 Finding Balance in Information34:54 Making Informed Choices36:27 Embracing Chemistry in Daily Life39:22 Consumer Responsibility and Market Influence42:20 Understanding Marketing and Product Labels45:45 Overcoming Chemophobia and Embracing Chemistry49:39 The Role of Fear in Consumer Choices
#fertility #IVF #donorconception #greenchemistry #environmentaltoxins #infertility #womenshealth #familybuilding #eggdonation #surrogacy

If you’re building your family through donor conception and one of you is not genetically related to your child, this episode is for you.
Lisa Schuman, LCSW, unpacks the real emotional challenges non-genetically related parents face: jealousy, insecurity, fear of being “less than,” and the quiet worry about connection and bonding. She walks you through five key suggestions for navigating these feelings together, so you can protect your relationship and your future family.
You’ll learn:
    Why the non-genetic parent often gets overlooked, and how to change that    How to talk openly about jealousy, insecurity, and grief     The critical difference between privacy and secrecy in donor conception    How to stay flexible as roles and feelings shift over time    What the genetically linked parent needs emotionally, and how to support each other as a team
This conversation is about intention, compassion, and clear communication so both parents feel seen, secure, and fully “real” in their role. If you want a strong relationship and a healthy environment for your donor-conceived child, start here.
Get free resources on donor conception here: https://familybuilding.net/free-downloads/
00:00 Introduction to Donor Conception and Parenting Dynamics01:44 Challenges for Non-Genetically Related Parents02:59 Navigating Emotional Complexities06:05 Five Key Suggestions for Couples08:18 The Importance of Open Communication10:16 Privacy vs. Secrecy in Family Building12:04 Creating a Supportive Environment14:36 Flexibility in Parenting Roles15:06 Recognizing the Genetically Linked Parent's Role17:16 Normalizing Feelings in Parenting18:46 The Importance of Intention and Communication

Most people only meet a fertility specialist in crisis mode.In this episode, Dr. Shefali Shastri, Clinical Director and Physician Partner at RMA New Jersey, explains what proactive fertility actually looks like.
Dr. Shastri is a board‑certified reproductive endocrinologist who has helped bring thousands of babies into the world since joining RMA New Jersey in 2009. Inspired by her OB/GYN mother, she now combines cutting‑edge science with deeply personal, patient‑centered care.
We cover:• Who should consider a fertility workup before trying• How to understand your “fertility age” vs your birthday age• What a proactive fertility checkup actually includes (hormones, AMH, ultrasound, semen analysis, basic genetic screening, etc.)• Red flags where you should not “wait a year”• Egg freezing, preimplantation genetic testing, and underlying genetic causes of infertility• Exercise, weight, stress and movement for fertility• Specific guidance for single parents by choice, queer couples, and people planning for donor conception or surrogacy• How to turn fear of “bad news” into informed, empowered decisions
If you’re not trying yet but want options later, or you’re already in treatment and feeling stuck, this conversation will give you a clear, compassionate roadmap.
Connect:• Learn more about Dr. Shastri and RMA New Jersey: https://rmanetwork.com/staff/shefali-mavani-shastri/• Follor Dr. Shastri on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shefalishastrimd/• Get my proactive fertility & family‑building resources:https://familybuilding.net/free-downloads/
 

National Infertility Awareness Week is about more than awareness posts. It is about whose stories get heard, who gets left out, and how we turn lived experience into better policy for everyone building their family.
In this episode, I’m joined by Danielle, the new CEO of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. We talk about what RESOLVE is really doing behind the scenes, how they’re supporting single parents by choice and queer families, and why telling your story is one of the most powerful forms of advocacy you have.
We also get practical: how to advocate for yourself at work, how to approach HR about fertility benefits, and how to find common ground in a divided moment so we can actually move legislation forward.
We cover:
What RESOLVE does for patients beyond social media during NIAWHow current policies help some groups and still miss singles and LGBTQ+ familiesConcrete RESOLVE resources for talking to HR about fertility coverageAdvocating for yourself at work without risking everythingUsing your story to build empathy, shift culture, and influence lawmakersFinding common ground across differences as a path to better legislationIf you’re a single parent by choice, part of a queer couple, or anyone navigating reproductive medicine who has ever felt invisible, this conversation is for you.
Episode resources
Resolve: https://resolve.org/National Infertility Awareness week: https://www.infertilityawareness.org/

Deciding what to do with unused embryos after IVF can feel overwhelming, lonely, and loaded with grief.
In this episode, we talk honestly about the emotional weight of unused embryos and why so many people get stuck here for years. I walk through the most common options clinics offer, explain what each one actually means, and introduce additional paths like compassionate transfer and using ritual when none of the standard choices feel right for you.
Then I share a simple 3‑step system to help you move forward when you feel completely stuck, so you can make decisions that align with your values and find some peace with whatever you choose.
In this episode you’ll learn:
Why unused embryos bring up such big and conflicting feelingsWhat your clinic’s standard options really involve (storage, donation, research, disposal, and more)What a compassionate transfer is and when it may be offeredHow ritual and meaning‑making can help with grief around unused embryosA practical 3‑step process to move from paralysis to the next right decision for youIf you’re facing decisions about unused embryos and feel torn, this conversation is for you. You are not alone, and there is a way through.
For more support around IVF, donor conception, and surrogacy, check the links in the show notes.

Journalist and TV anchor Jenna Wolfe joins therapist Lisa Schuman to share how she built a two‑mom family through fertility treatment and donor conception, came out on the Today Show, navigated a double mastectomy after a BRCA diagnosis, divorced, and is now co‑parenting two daughters. This episode is for anyone using reproductive medicine, or donor conception and worries, “Will my family really be OK?”
We walk step‑by‑step through Jenna’s story:• Coming out publicly while pregnant and what she was most afraid of• Meeting her wife, deciding to have kids, and whose genetics to use• Fertility treatment in the public eye and choosing a sperm donor• Facing a double mastectomy as a new mom and talking to her kids about it• Divorce, building a healthy co‑parenting relationship, and focusing forward on the children• Small, doable changes that helped her get through fertility, surgery, and starting over
If you’re building your family with fertility treatment, or donor conception, and want more structured support, you can learn about the Building Your Family education and support platform here:https://familybuilding.net/building-your-family-community/
This episode is sponsored by Seattle Sperm Bank, a donor sperm bank focused on rigorous screening, a wide donor selection, and thoughtful support for LGBTQ+ and solo parents. Learn more here:https://www.seattlespermbank.com/building-your-family/
 

When you’re going through fertility treatment, donor conception, or surrogacy, it’s completely normal to hit a point where you think, “Ugh… screw it.”
In this solo episode, Lisa Schuman names and explains the “Screw It Principle”: the quiet ways stress, exhaustion, jealousy, and resentment slip into big decisions about clinics, donors, and agencies. She breaks down the two versions of “screw it” moments, why they feel so good in the moment, and how they can slowly pull you away from your deepest values for yourself and your future child.
You’ll learn:
The two types of “screw it” decisions and how they show up in fertility, donor conception, and surrogacyHow decision fatigue, jealousy, and burnout push you toward what feels comforting instead of what matches your long-term valuesA simple two-question checkpoint to catch “screw it” moments in real timeHow to gently redirect that “I’m done” energy into safer places, without judging yourselfLisa also shares a free Stress Tools Guide to help you calm your nervous system when you feel burned out, angry, or jealous, so you can return to big choices with more clarity and self-compassion. She also points you to SART, a resource for looking up official U.S. IVF clinic data so you can better align clinic choices with your values, not just your stress level.
You are not weak for having “screw it” moments. You’re human. This episode helps you notice them before they quietly steer the parts of your family-building journey that matter most.
Episode resources
Grab your free ebook here: https://familybuilding.net/free-downloads/Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART) - https://www.sart.org/ Fertility and Sterility: https://www.fertstert.org/